Dating can be a very scary thing for many of us, especially if it’s a blind date or a first date. There are so many expectations of what to do (and what not to do) when making your first impression and sometimes, one date is all it takes to make an impact.
Pushing aside all the anxiety and awkwardness that can arise from both parties, we’re sure there’s bound to be a moment where the two of you start wondering about the other’s past relationships. Although many dating sites strongly suggest you keep your personal love life to a minimum when you’re only just starting to know someone, we give you our personal reasons why you shouldn’t. Here are 5 solid reasons why allowing your date to tread (lightly) on the subject of his/her ex may be beneficial to you figuring out if you two are a match.
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When someone starts rehashing fond (or not so fond) memories of their exes, you can tell a lot about what kind of person they are. Do they seem bitter, or do they seem to be nostalgic about their past relationship(s)? You can also do yourself a favour and take note of their body language when they recount how their previous relationship(s) ended.
They could casually state that “they grew apart”, but if they seem tense and suddenly withdrawn, it could be a sign that things didn’t end as amicably as they say it did. On the other hand, should they casually bring up their ex(es) and start rambling on and on, it could also be a sign that they’re the type who gets hung up on the past, which should be a warning sign for someone you may not want to get involved with.
Pick out their strengths/weaknesses
By letting your date reminisce about lost loves, you’ll be able to pick up on how they handle relationships. Pay attention to the words they use to describe their ex(es) and the tone in their speech. Because bad break ups can prove to be emotional, even if they’ve ended for some time, some may get caught up in describing how they felt disappointed, heart broken or betrayed.
Look out for possible signs of resentment, which could be hint at your date being the type who bears grudges. Alternatively, they could admit that the relationship falling out was entirely their fault, in which case, your date could be seen as responsible and mature (or has low self-esteem).
Gives you a chance to put yourself out there
What better opportunity for you to share your own experiences than when someone else is willing to share as well. Perhaps you just got out of a relationship and you want lay your cards on the table, where you stand (whether it be to be casually dating, or to look for something serious).
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Once your date starts talking about their ex(es), it opens up the floor for both of you to be candid about your past relationships. This helps take the pressure off of you if you’re feeling a tad guilty of holding emotional baggage from your own experiences. This will, in turn, help you accept the past you had with your ex(es); talking out your experience(s) with someone new can clear your mind and might make you see the bigger picture.
Mentally/emotionally prepares you for what’s in store
The exchange of accounts between you and your date may put a damper on the mood of the date, but unless you’re taking it casually, it’s always a good thing to prepare yourself for what you may be getting yourself into. Perhaps you and your date really do connect on an intellectual level, but how are they in handling matters of the heart?
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Your first date may not provide much clue to what they’re all about, but it can provide plenty of insight to what lies ahead for the two of you, should you go on another date. Like it or not, a first date is much like a job interview, and if there are certain things that turn you off during your first meeting, chances are it won’t get any better down the road.
“A problem shared is a problem halved”
After all is said and done, if the date doesn’t end in the two of you actually seeing each other again, you would’ve had the opportunity toImage may be NSFW.
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talk to someone new. By sharing your experiences with someone who’s outside your regular social circle, it lets you hear a new perspective on your situation.
It could open you up to an aspect of your relationship you failed (or refused) to realise, and it also helps you learn how others handle relationship issues. Aside from that, it’s always comforting to know that you’re not alone when it comes to communication break downs in relationships.
The most important thing is to have fun on your date. Of course no everyone will want to bring up their ex(es) on a first date, but if they do, you’ll know it’s not always a bad thing. By using it to your advantage, you’ll learn more about them and make a more informed decision on whether to pursue or end ties with your date.
Siti Zawani: Weddings/Relationships, Food and Fitness writer.