Relationships are a tough nut to crack, and when one ends, it can feel like it’s the end of the world. But before you wave the white flag and give in to the fact that you’ll be forever alone, realise that break-ups can be very enlightening.
Not only does it shine a spotlight on what makes us tick when in a committed relationship, but it also highlights our wants and dislikes when we’re with someone. There’s always a chance for growth after a break-up, regardless of how messy the split was. Here are 5 great lessons to take away from any break-up:
You learn so much about yourself
Getting into a relationship somehow suddenly transforms you into someone you don’t even recognise, at times. And once you’re out of it, it can feel like you don’t even recall why you were such an uptight, whiny, impatient and unreasonable person. Reflecting on who you were when you were with your ex will allow you to realise what you want out of your future relationships, and it’ll allow you to learn from your mistakes.
If your gut tells you it’s time to quit, you’re probably right
Some people can easily sense if something is amiss in their relationship, yet they choose to stay feeling as though they’re over-thinking things. Personally, it’s definitely something we’ve gone through. Having been in a committed relationship for 5 years, we definitely had a strong gut feeling that the relationship wasn’t heading anywhere. But fear kept us around, and ultimately it led to a horrible break-up that ended in betrayal and bitterness.
There are some feelings that you cannot deny, and if there’s reasonable evidence leading you to believe that time has run out for the both of you, don’t prolong it longer than necessary. It’s better to cut things short and split amicably than draw out the unhappiness and separate on bad terms.
You can never change someone unless they’re truly willing to
As much as you know how much you two were in love (and they would probably go out of their way to please you), you can never make someone to be who you want them to. This goes not only for partners, but friends and other people in your life as well. Change has to come from their own desire to do so, and even though they may make the effort out of their love for you, they must want to be a better person themselves above all else.
Even if they promised you that they’ll ‘change for the better’ but aren’t sincere about it, chances are they would’ve gone right back to their old ways after some time. This sets the relationship up for plenty of conflicts where one party is seen as too demanding while the other doesn’t care – which ultimately leads to both parties parting, feeling misunderstood and unappreciated.
As long as you give it your all, that’s all that matters
Recalling from personal experience, we know how helpless it can feel when it seems that you’ve done everything you could to make the other party happy and work through all the issues the two of you had. But there are some relationships that are just meant to end, regardless of who’s at fault.
We can keep asking ourselves ‘what if?’, but as long as you know you gave your all and loved selflessly, there’s nothing else that could’ve saved the relationship. Accepting that is important for moving on, so you don’t hold on to regrets and beat yourself up over something that’s in the past.
It’s a break-up, not a break-down
For a while, it may seem like your whole world has crumbled at your feet and that you’ve no one to turn to. But a year or two down the road, you’ll look back at the relationship and be thankful for what it gave you, and for the lessons you got out of it. We truly believe that everyone we meet in our life has been for a reason, be it for a short period of time or for years to come.
It’s all part of the learning process, to meet new people, discover yourself and become the best individual you can be. There will be animosity as well as deep love along the way, but that’s what life is about; the ups and downs and everything in between. Allow yourself to grieve for a love lost, but don’t ever say you won’t love again, because that’ll be even tougher than having to go through another relationship.
Siti Zawani: Weddings/Relationships, Food and Fitness writer.